The crowds react as my shower door swings open…

Firstly, 3D movies are making a comeback. By ‘comeback’ I mean ‘with totally different technology so you don’t get headaches and the effect is much MUCH better!’

Secondly, for a new kind of excess for the boor who’s done it all, you can have dinner suspended 150 feet in the air… My first thought was, “Looks like there’s no toilet, ” and guess what – there aint.

Thirdly, the answers to many a man’s prayers have been answered as scientists have developed a drug that reduces womens’ weight while boosting their sex drive. Now all we need is a similar pill for us guys – especially to shift the spare tyre off to the scrapheap…

Fourthly, with another globally focussed series of concerts about to happen, time to reflect on the last one, Live8, and what it did, and more importantly, didn’t achieve.

And (deep breath) fifthly, time to consider our economic future. Are we on the precipice of a grotesque decline and fall, or of a marvellous opportunity to grasp a new future?